Why do I do this???

I allow myself to just sit and think ... and worry! After working last night, I didn't really feel any difference in my contractions while there so I came home and showered and went straight to bed. I woke up just after 11:00 because Lilliana had a birthday party to attend and I actually was feeling pretty good. We headed to Build A Bear and I was probably on my feet for a little over 2 hours total. I sat while she rode the carousel with Clay and then while we were eating cupcakes but by time we left, I was feeling kinda crappy. I just felt like I over did it some and I am sure a lot of that had to do with the fact that I worked last night.

On the way home, I went ahead and took my daily dose of Procardia but starting allowing my mind to wander. I started feeling a little more contractions and then got my self so worked up I was almost ready to head to L & D. We decided to head home for naps since it was long past L's naptime anyway and I laid down myself and took another short nap. I woke up form my nap feeling pretty crummy. I guess what worried me, was whether or not I was feeling crappy from the meds or was it because there was something going on that I needed to address.

I think one of my biggest fears this go around, is what I will do without my Lilliana if I have to be admitted to the hospital. I have never been away from her for more than like 12 hours when I go to work and I just can't imagine how sad I would be if I had to get my mom or mother-in-law to watch her all the time if I had to be admitted long term. I genuinely can't imagine a single minute in life without her and don't know what I would do.