Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
On cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes
And all of your care
I’ll even remind you
To please say your prayers

I just want to tell you
You still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
Above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
To stay in His grace
I came here before you
To help set your place

You don’t have to be
Perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb

To my family and friends
Please be thankful today
I’m still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
Now don’t shed a tear
Cause I’m spending my
Christmas with Jesus this year.

By: John Mooney

What Make's a Mother

I found this poem on someone's caring bridge site. She is a mother of another heart baby that also had TAPVR. He passed in January of 2005.

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say; A Mother has a baby, this we know is true. But, God, can you be a Mother when your baby is not with you? Yes, you can, He replied with confidence in His voice. I give many women babies and when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime and others just for a day. And some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared his throat and then I saw a tear. I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could see your child smile with other children and say; "We go on earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear. My mommy loved me Oh! so much that I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a mom who has so much love for me. I learned my lessons very quickly, my mommy set me free. I miss my mommy Oh! so much, but I visit every day. When she goes to sleep on her pillow is where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear, Mommy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here." So you see my dear sweet one, your children are not blue. Your babies are here in MY home and they'll be at Heaven's gate waiting for you. So now you see what makes a Mother and it's the feeling in your heart. It's the love you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on earth may not realize you a Mother until their time is done; they'll be up here with Me one day and they'll know you were the best one!!!

By Jennifer Wasik in Memory of Zachary

Hi Daddy, it’s me, Your baby boy in the sky.
Won’t you tell me Daddy, why does my Mommy cry?

Doesn’t she know I’m happy here? Heaven’s a beautiful place.
Oh, how it hurts me, Daddy To see tears streaming down Mommy’s face.

Daddy, tell her I’m much better here, Jesus fixed my heart.
But when I see Mommy crying, It just about tears it apart.

I know it hurt you both, Daddy, When Jesus took me away.
But you and mommy remember, We’ll be together again someday.

I can’t wait to hug you, I never got the chance before.
When it’s time for you to come, I’ll be waiting at Heaven’s door.

Then you’ll both understand, Jesus knew where I needed to be.
What a marvelous place to live, Just wait and you both shall see.

Please let my Mommy know, Daddy, That I heard every word she said.
And I remember her softly touching me As I lay in that hospital bed.

Just one more thing, Daddy, Before I have to go
I love you both very much And just wanted you to know.

Author Unknown

Going back to the PICU

Well, after speaking with my nursing director last week, she suggested that I try to go back to work this last Monday. After turning in my paperwork and getting the OK through associate health to return to work I decided that I needed to make the dreadful first step and walk back into the unit for the first time. When I left associate health, I saw one of the attendings that I work with and he just hugged me and asked how I was doing. I started to cry and told him that I was OK and that I was trying to make it back into the unit. He told me how much they had missed me and told me to just take it slow. Then I called into the unit and talked to one of my friends that was working that day and told her that I didn't think I could make it into the unit. She came downstairs where I was and waited for me until I was ready to walk in. I knew that once I got in there things would be better, it was just the initial shock of having to go in there for the first time since everything has happened. I have not walked into an ICU since I was in the NICU with Cooper and it was hard to see all the babies lying there intubated and the families at their bedsides but I did get through it. I went back on Tuesday and was able to stay for about 6 hours and just kinda tasked and helped people out. I still have not taken a patient assignment, I have just been trying to take things easy. I did help admit back a post-op heart patient on Tuesday and that was kinda hard because he was 2 months old and just so sweet lying there. I just couldn't help but wish that was Cooper. I know that I didn't really want him to have to go through open-heart surgery but I would have done it if I had the option. Today, when I went in there I did not stay as long because we weren't as busy so I was able to allow my mind to wander, which is not a good thing :) We were trying to get a patient transferred to the NICU and were unable to because they had a patient that was dying. The thought of it just brought back a flood of emotions and I left not long after hearing that. I just couldn't help but think that I was in the same shoes as those parents not long ago and how can I be back here at work so soon? I think one of the hardest parts is realizing that by going back to work I am moving on with my life. I am having to start a new chapter and get out of the house on a regular basis and have a set schedule. I really enjoyed staying at home and moping around in my pj's. I know I can't do that forever and I know going back to work is the best thing for me but it is really hard at the same time. I am not sure whether or not I am going to go in tomorrow, we will just see how I feel in the morning.

Love,
Mommy to Cooper Walker

6-week check-up

Well today I had my six-week check-up and things went well. It was hard going back into the office knowing that I was going to see all of the nurses again that had been there for me when I was going into pre-term labor. The last time Clay and I were headed to that office "I" knew something was wrong and no one would listen to me. It's ok though because I know deep down that everyone involved did everything possible to keep him in there :) I was able to speak with my OB for a long time and she answered a lot of my questions. Clay and I plan on making an appointment with a perinatologist after the first of the year to make sure that his opinions coincide with my OB. She referred me to the same perinatologist that I saw when I was in the hospital and I really like him and felt that he was very respectful to my worries about certain meds he wanted to administer.

After we went to the doctor we went by the cemetery and I was happy to see that Cooper's Christmas tree was still standing considering how windy it has been here in Memphis lately. We were supposed to go by this week to order his headstone but we still aren't certain what we want to put on it so that is why we have not done so yet. I told Clay that we need to do it by next week because I don't want to keep putting it off. Well I guess I am going to go.

Love,
Mommy and Daddy to Cooper Walker

Congenital Heart Defect Facts and Statistics

*Congenital heart defects are America’s #1 birth defect. Nearly one of every 100 babies is born with a CHD.
*Congenital heart defects are the #1 cause of birth defect related deaths.
*This year almost 40,000 babies will be born with a congenital heart defect. 4,000 of them will not live to see their first birthday.
*In the U.S., twice as many children die from congenital heart defects each year than from all forms of childhood cancer combined, yet funding for pediatric cancer research is five times higher than funding for CHD.
*91,000 life years are lost each year in this country due to congenital heart defects.
*The cost for inpatient surgery to repair congenital heart defects exceeds $2.2 billion a year.
*Congenital heart defects occur frequently and are often life threatening, yet research into them is grossly under funded.
*In the last decade death rates for congenital heart defects have declined by almost 30% due to advances made through research.
*More than 50% of all children born with a congenital heart defect will require at least one invasive surgery in their lifetime.
*There are 35 different types of congenital heart defects. Little is known about the cause of most them. There is not yet a cure for any of them.

Funding Statistics
*Only one penny of every dollar donated to the American Heart Association goes towards congenital heart defect research.
*The Children’s Heart Foundation is the only organization strictly created to fund congenital heart defect research.
*Of every dollar the government spends on medical funding only a fraction of a penny is directed toward congenital heart defect research.
*The Children’s Heart Foundation has directed almost $2 million to 24 different congenital heart defect research projects.

“ ***Facts and Statistics courtesy of the Children’s Heart Foundation***”

Cooper's Heart Defect

I just wanted to post a little more information on Congenital Heart Defects and clear up some questions that I have recieved from multiple people about the reason that Cooper passed away. The reason that I went into pre-term labor did not have anything to do with what was wrong with Cooper's heart. Babies hearts are formed in-utero between the 7th and 8th week of pregnancy, lot's of time's before women even know they are pregnant. There is nothing that a mom can do to prevent her child from being born with a heart defect and it does not cause pre-term delivery. My doctor's are not exactly sure why I went into pre-term labor with Cooper but sometimes I like to think that since God knew Cooper's heart wan't perfect that he wanted to protect us all and not allow Cooper to suffer so that is why He wanted me to go into PTL. It would have been very difficult on Clay and I to have to put Cooper through heart surgery. I know too much about it and I have seen a lot of good outcomes and a lot of bad one's. With Cooper's condition since his pulmonary veins were connected to his portal vein it would have been a very difficult surgery. Now don't get me wrong if I could do it all over again and have more time with him I would do it. Had I been able to keep him in me until term he WOULD have undergone surgery to try and correct his heart. I would do everything in my power to be able to hold him and bring him home one day. I would greatly take all the cardiology appointments, medication delivery, long stays in the ICU, and multiple trips to the ER if I could have Cooper at home with Clay and I but I just realize that God had another plan in mind. I just wanted to make sure that everyone understood that even if Cooper had been born full-term he still would have had his heart defect and on the other hand his heart defect was not the reason he was born early. Thanks for listening, I know things are confusing I just thought this may help clear up some questions :)

Melody

Well Clay and I have been getting along OK. He had to do a lot of catching-up at work this last week so he traveled 3 days. I just stayed at home and got things done around here. Yesterday we went and purchased a small tree to place out at the cemetary for Cooper. We got some ornaments to put on the tree and placed it where his headstone will eventually go. We also spoke with the funeral director and looked at some more markers. I found some that I liked, but now we just need to try and decide what we want to say on the marker and then we are going to order it. I was hoping that we would have it out my his due date which was February 7th, but I don't think that is going to happen because the man told us that with the Holiday's it is taking between 12-14 weeks to get them in. Oh Well, I guess it doesn't make that much of a difference. It is so cold here in Memphis right now and so Clay and I didn't stay very long at the cemetary.

I was supposed to go and speak with my nurse manager this week so I can talk to her about what I am going to do about my job but I just keep putting it off. I have to go by next week though because I need to make a decision about what I am going to do. I know that it is going to be hard to go back to the PICU but I think hte hardest part is going to be seeing everyone that is pregnant and due around the same time I would have been. As a nurse, I have always had to not get too emotionally involved with patients and their families so that I could stay sain so I think that will be the same. I wish I could just wait and not go back until March because then everyone would be on maternity leave but I know that I need to go back before that.

I have my 6 week check-up with my OB this coming week and Clay is going to go with me because we have a lot of questions for my doctor. We also want to ask her how long we need to wait until we try to have a baby again. I know that we are by no means ready yet but I am such a planner I would like to have her professional opinion. We are also going to meet with a perinatologist before we try again to discuss what they feel we will have to do next time to try and have a healthy full-term baby. I told Clay that I will never be able to enjoy a pregnancy again. I loved being pregnant. I was never sick and I felt great. I was doing good on weight gain adn I loved feeling Cooper kick and keep me up at night. I guess that is what makes this so much harder. Not only am I mourning the death of my son but also of my pregnancy. I so wanted to have pictures this Christmas of Clay and I and my big belly. Well anyways, there is not much going on with us besides us just trying to cope and getting on with life.
Thanks to everyone that has posted such sweet comments, it is nice to come here and realize that so many people are still thinking about us :)

Pics of Angel Baby Cooper

These are some pictures that one of Cooper's favorite nurse's Theresa made for us. She was just wonderful and made us lot's of pics when they would bathe him at night.

Happy Thanksgiving

Well first of all Clay and I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving. Today we went out to Clay's family for lunch and then to my sister's for dinner. It was a somewhat difficult day today, I definately have a lot to be thankful for but it is just so hard to think about what things would be like had we not lost Cooper. I guess I just feel like the world has kept going like nothing is wrong and I just can't do that. I definately feel most comfortable at my house just lying around but I realize that I can't do that forever. I think Clay and I are going to go to the funeral home next week and order Cooper's headstone. I feel so bad with not ordering it yet because I feel like there is nothing out there to mark his spot right now. Clay and I have talked about what we are going to do for him for Christmas, and we hope to put a little tree out there and some other Christmas things. I still am dreading the rest of the Holiday's coming up. I really don't feel like putting up a Christmas tree or anything to do with Christmas but it is one of my favorite holiday's so I hate to not do anything. Clay and I are also supposed to have Christmas dinner over here so I guess I have to do something.

I will say that through all of this Clay and I have met some really great people that have been through the same stuff. There is a wonderful website called www.savinglittlehearts.com where there is a family match program where you can sign up to meet other people that have children born with heart defects. It is amazing how common this congenital defect is. Did you know that 1 in 125 children are born with a heart defect? It is the #1 congenital defect for children and it does not recieve much publicity. I do feel that I would love to help start something here in Memphis to help raise awareness eventually. Everyone I have met through SLH have just been wonderful. They have informed me of support groupd on-line and one lady even sent me a sweet book in the mail. It is so sad to realize how many children and families have to go through this. Well, I guess I am going to go for now.

Love, Mommy and Daddy to Angel Baby Cooper Walker

What is Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return?

Information on Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return (TAPVR)

Cooper Walker Burchett's heart defect

Cooper had infracardiac Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return. This type is seen in only about 12% of cases with TAPVR and is the most difficult to repair. Cooper had already developed Pulmonary Hypertension (which is high pressures in the lungs) when his ECHO was performed on the Saturday before he passed. This is one of the side effects from TAPVR because of the stenosis, or narrowing of his pulmonary veins.

What is Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return (TAPVR)? The pulmonary veins are the four blood vessels (two on each side) that return oxygen-rich blood from the lungs to the left atrium of the heart. Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return (TAPVR) is a rare congenital malformation in which all four pulmonary veins do not connect normally to the left atrium, but instead drain abnormally to the right atrium by way of an abnormal (anomalous) connection.

Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return is classified into different types, based on the location of the abnormal pulmonary vein connection:

A. Supracardiac Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return -- The pulmonary veins drain to the right atrium via the superior vena cava. In this type of TAPRVR, the pulmonary veins come together behind the heart and then drain upwards to an abnormal vertical vein. This vein joins the innominate vein which connects to the right superior vena cava and drains to the right atrium.

B. Cardiac Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return -- The pulmonary veins come together behind the heart and then drain to the right atrium through the coronary sinus. The coronary sinus is the vein that normally returns blood from the heart muscle itself back to the right atrium after its oxygen has been depleted. The coronary sinus drains directly into the right atrium.

C. Infracardiac Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return -- The pulmonary veins drain to the right atrium via the hepatic (liver) veins and inferior vena cava. In this type, the pulmonary veins join together behind the heart and then typically drain downwards, connecting to the liver's portal vein system. They then drain through the vascular bed of the liver and enter the right atrium from the hepatic veins.

Common to all types of Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return is an atrial septal defect (ASD). Because none of the pulmonary veins connect normally to the left side of the heart (and thus out to the body) blood is shunted from the right atrium across the atrial septal defect. Absence of an atrial septal defect in Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return is not compatible with survival.

In order for these patients to be repaired they must be placed on a heart and lung machine after 2 cannulas are placed into their heart. A child's heart is the size of their fist so if you can imagine a normal full term infant's heart is about the size of a walnut. This means that Cooper's heart was much smaller than that so the cannulas used in surgery were just much too large to fit into his body. This is the reason that Cooper was considered inoperable for this procedure.

Update

Well Clay and I are doing OK. We just seem to be taking things one day at a time. He has gone back to work but he doesn't have to be gone much. I have my 6 week check-up on December 8th and after that I will decide when I am going to go back. I still am not sure what I am going to do about my job but I plan on going to speak with my nursing director after Thanksgiving to discuss my options. I really want to go back to the PICU I just am not sure that I will be able to handle it emotionally. I had to go up to work yesterday and add Cooper to my insurance so that it would cover his NICU time and then I had to ask them what I needed to do about taking him back off because he passed 2 days after his birth. It was so hard to do. I know I caught the lady completely off gaurd when I asked her that and she just looked at me and said "Oh I am so sorry sweetheart." I still think this is all a bad dream and not happening. Well anyways I was going to share with you one of the books that Mom bought me. It is called "Mommy Please Don't Cry There Are No Tears In Heaven". (How crazy is it that this is the same book that I have given many parents up in the PICU after they lost a child and now I have to read it for myself.)



Mommy, Please Don't Cry... A beautiful angel carried me here!! I met Jesus today, mommy! He cradled me in his big,strong arms. He made me feel so happy inside. Mommy, Please Don't Cry... Heaven in wonderful! Did you know the streets are made of Gold? Real Gold! I have lots of friends, Mommy. We run and play. We giggle and laugh. I can't wait to show you my secret hideouts! Mommy, Please don't cry... When I fall it doesn't hurt! There are no tears in Heaven. I've met a man named Noah. He told me about his Big Boat, All the animals and the very first rainbow. Have you heard of Noah, Mommy? Mommy, please don't cry.. We have lots of parties here; with streamers and hats, and the best chocolate cake ever! When it's time to rest, Angels tuck us in. I never get scared Mommy. There is no darkness here! Jesus is the light of heaven. Mommy, Please don't cry... The angels are always singing. I love to sing with the angels! You'd be proud of me. I have a pretty good voice. I must have gotten it from you. There is a river, Mommy, in the most beautiful garden you could ever imagine..and a huge tree with yummy fruit. The angels call it the tree of life. Mommy, It's so wonderful to be alive in Heaven! Mommy, please don't cry.. Sometimes i just like to be by myself. That's when I think of you. Someday, Mommy we will hold each other tight! Then you will cradle me in your arms, and stroke my hair.. and once again our hearts will beat together. Mommy, please don't cry...I'll wait right here for you. Love, Clay and Melody

Taking each day one at a time

Well Clay and I are doing OK. We have been keeping ourselves somewhat busy lately which is helping. I am still not sure what I am going to do about work. I love what I do but I am just not sure if I can emotionally handle going back to the PICU where I work with children everyday that have the same problems that Cooper did. I know that as of right now I have to go back to work because Clay and I are under my insurance. I do have approximately 10 weeks of paid time off and can take up to 12 weeks off without my insurance lapsing. The only problem is that whenever we decide to do this again I won't have much time off accrued because it has taken me almost 3 years to get this long accrued. Anyways, I go back to the doctor on December 8th for my 6 week check-up. Clay is going to go with me because we still have a lot of unanswered questions. When I spoke with my doctor the other day she told me that they really don't have a reason for why I went into preterm labor. She told me that next time they would treat me as if I had an incompetent cervix and do a cerclage by 16 weeks. After talking with some other people that probably means besrest also. It does not matter to Clay and I though we are willing to do whatever it takes to get a healthy baby. Well I just thought that I would give a quick update. Continue to think of us and keep us in your prayers.

Love,
Melody and Clay

Music Video:CRY OUT TO JESUS (by Third Day)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Come With Me

God saw he was getting tired

And a cure was not to be.

So He put his arms around him

And whispered, "Come with me."

With tear-filled eyes we watched him

fight hard and fade away.

Although we loved him deeply,

We could not make him stay.

A golden heart stopped beating.

Two-little hands put to rest.

God broke our hearts to prove to us

He only takes the best.

A few new pictures of Cooper Walker

Here are a couple of pictures of Clay and I holding our sweet angel Cooper Walker. This was on Sunday October 29, 2006.

What Exactly Happened

Well it has been two weeks now since our sweet Cooper Walker was born. I have had some people ask me what all happened since it seemed to happen so fast so here goes.On Thursday October 26, I started having contractions that I could feel for the first time. They worried me a little bit and so I informed my nurse. The entire time I was in the hospital I was having some contractions but none of them hurt, the only reason I knew I was having them was because the belt would tighten that was around my stomach. Well due to this they increased the frequency and the dosage of my terbutaline on Thursday around 4:00. That seemed to work for the time being. Clay was going to go to his parent’s house to spend the night and get some much needed rest and spend time with our puppy Maggie and my mom was coming to spend the night with me. Mom arrived just before 8:00 and it was about that time that my contractions started up again. I told Clay that I was worried, as I did every time the contractions would start back; I just knew that the time would come when they would be at the end of their rope and nothing would work. I told him to go ahead and go to his parents but just to make sure that he had his phone with him. Mom had brought me some dinner, so I ate that and we watched some TV. At around 10:00 I was having stronger contractions and so I called my nurse again. The whole time I was in the hospital I was very anxious and I told my nurse maybe I just needed to get some rest and that things would calm down on their own. She insisted that I take something to help me sleep and she agreed that it may help. I told her that I would take it around 11:00. When she came in to bring me my medicine she also had been speaking with the perinatologist and he wanted her to give me some terbutaline in my arm to see if that would help the contractions. She gave me the Terbutaline and some Ambien to help me sleep and away to lala land I went. About midnight I awoke to take another medicine and I noticed that I had started to bleed some. Mom called Clay to give him a heads up but I still insisted that he not come rushing up there. It was around 2:00 am that I woke up in horrible pain. I knew that this had to be real labor because I had never felt anything like this before. I was unable to sleep through the contractions and they just continued to get worse. We called my nurse and after speaking to the perinatologist again they decided to put me back on MagSulfate. I told them to make sure that my bucket was close because it was going to make me nauseous. They were worried about me getting sick and putting pressure on my cervix but I didn't know what else to do. It was probably 2:30 am before the MagSulfate was started and within 15 minutes the pain was pretty much intolerable. I know I was driving my nurse crazy but I kept thinking if this is labor then I need an epidural! It wasn't long before my water broke. I had been telling mom for the last 2 hours that I don't know how these contractions wouldn't be changing my cervix. All along they told me they felt fine with me having contractions as long as they didn't hurt because they probably weren't causing cervical changes. Well mom called Clay back and told him he better get up there immediately that Cooper was on his way. Luckily my nurse was in there when my water broke and the first words out of my mouth was "is the fluid stained?" she told me it was a little bit but it didn't look like it should cause a problem. All I have to say is ignorance is blissful and my time as a nurse in the PICU and made me a worry wart! Who cares if my fluid is slightly stained my baby was about to be born at 25 weeks 2 days! Anyways, they phoned my doctor who arrived along with my husband about 15 minutes before Cooper made his arrival. They did an ultrasound to see if he was head down and they thought he was breech so they were preparing me for a c-section. They had anesthesia come in to speak with me and all I could think about was that they were going to have to emergently put me out but I knew Cooper wasn't going to wait for me to get an epidural and that they would intubate me and I was going to aspirate (because I had been eating all day long) and end up in the ICU. Again, I know way too much about what can go wrong. Well the anesthesiologist never made it back into my room. When my doctor arrived she checked me and said that I was complete and that he was head down. Cooper Walker Burchett arrived at 3:38 am all natural, and Clay was able to make it thank goodness.

Of course the neonatologist was in the room when he was born and they quickly whisked him away and intubated him. Then they took him to the NICU to try and stabilize him. After about 15 minutes that neonatologist came into the room to update us and told us that Cooper was already on high frequency ventilation which is a ventilator that can give them lot’s more breath’s a minute than a conventional ventilator and it helps keep their lungs open better. She told me that Clay and I could go in and see him within the hour. They got me up to postpartum and Clay and I immediately went down to see Cooper. He was so small and did not look very good to me. The nurse came over and updated us and I asked her if babies his size ever did well and she said sometimes they do and sometimes they don’t. I knew that all we could do was pray.

Well Clay and I went back up to our room and got some much needed rest. We called to check on Cooper lots and went down to see him as much as we could. On Friday night Cooper had a great night. They were able to get his oxygen down to 60% my morning and I felt that things were starting to look up. He seemed like such a little fighter every time we went down there. They kept having to re swaddle him because he was kicking his legs and moving his arms so much, (just like he did in my belly). We went to see him Saturday morning and they had gone up a little bit on his oxygen during shift change and they told me that he had a positive blood culture but that they were going to repeat it later that day. On Saturday around 5:30 I called to check on him and they told me that he had been anywhere from 60% to 100 % on his oxygen and that there was a cardiologist there to look at him to make sure he didn’t have a PDA. This is a very common problem in preemies where their ductus does not close in their heart and surgery would be necessary but it is a minor problem compared to other defects. I got a bad feeling about this and told Clay when I got off the phone. I started to cry and Clay again reassured me that Cooper is a fighter and he would be ok. Around 6:30 Clay left to get us something to eat and I called him about 25 minutes later and he had just pulled back into the parking lot and said he was coming right up. Within a few minutes there was a knock on the door and I just assumed it was Clay and told him to come in. Unfortunately it was one of the cardiologists that I work with everyday at work and I cheerfully said “Hey were you the one doing his ECHO?” He told me yes and I asked if Cooper had a PDA. He looked at me funny and I said “its worse isn’t it?” I told him that I had completed a Fetal ECHO just because I was paranoid about what could go wrong and I told him my husband should be right in. Clay came in within a few seconds and I told him that something was wrong and I started to cry again. Dr. Waller (the cardiologist) began to explain to us that Cooper had Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return (TAPVR). This is where all 4 of his pulmonary veins do not connect correctly to his heart but his were connected below his diaphragm into his portal vein, or the vein into his liver. I just completely freaked out because I knew how bad this was and I just knew there would be nothing they could do. After he explained everything to Clay and I, he consulted Dr. Gilbert at LeBonheur and he confirmed our fears that sweet Cooper was just too small. They wouldn’t even be able to get the cannulas into his chest to place him on the heart and lung bypass machine to start the surgery. Dr. Waller took the video of the ECHO to a second cardiologist’s house that night to get a 2nd opinion. Clay and I went down to the visitation time from 8:00 – 10:00 and spoke with Dr. Joyner (the Neonatologist) while we were down there. She told us that we did not have to make a decision right then that they would continue to support Cooper but we were given approximately 24-48 hours by the cardiologist’s. This is due to the nature of his disorder. Had he been a term baby, he would have been emergently transferred to LeBonheur that night and surgery would have been performed.

Clay and I didn’t sleep much on Saturday and we called my mom and some friend’s to let them know what was going on. On Sunday we woke up and went to visitation from 10:00 – 11:00. We stayed the whole time and I could already tell a difference in him. His coloring was not as good and his oxygen saturations were lower. After speaking with the neonatologist we decided that we would withdraw support on Monday. We wanted time to spend with Cooper and we had a lot of family to notify. They agreed and we left since the visiting hour was over. We were planning on coming back from 1:00 – 2:00 and so Clay decided that he would run out and get his hair cut in the mean time. My mom was up there with me and at 12:30 Dr. Joyner called and said that Cooper was not doing well, that his heart rate was dropping and that she wanted me to be able to hold him. I completely freaked out and went running out of the room and asked mom to get Clay there. I got down to the unit and they had already taken his oxygen probe off of his foot because it was reading so low. His heart rate was in the 70’s and all I could think about was “He can’t die when Clay isn’t here. Lord, please let Clay make it.” Clay did make it within less than 15 minutes and we were able to hold our angel for approximately 5 hours before he went home to Jesus. We were and continue to be completely devastated but we know that he is in a better place. The nurses in the NICU were amazing. They bathed him and I picked out a sweet gown for him to wear and they put him in it and I got to hold him some more. It was so hard to leave the hospital especially without a baby and with the idea that I would never bring him home. In the past 2 weeks we realize that God did spare us. He didn’t allow Cooper to suffer in the NICU for months and he never had to go through open heart surgery. We still miss him incredibly and I still cry myself to sleep at night. I keep telling Clay that I feel like this is all a horrible nightmare that I am still waiting to wake up from.

Well, anyways I know this was lengthy but I knew some people were wondering exactly what happened so I thought I would just let you know. Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Clay and Melody Burchett

Graveside Service for Cooper

There will be a Graveside service for Cooper at 11:30 tomorrow, Tuesday, at Memorial Park BabyLand. Due to the nature of this sensitive and personal time, they are asking that the service be more private, and attended only by Family and close friends of Melody & Clay. We know and feel your love for us all, and continue to ask for your prayers. The journey has just begun, and we know our God will provide the Grace needed for what lies ahead.

THIS IS WHAT IT MEANS TO BE HELD

It is with such a heavy heart that I give this update tonight. Baby Cooper was diagnosed last night at about 8:00 PM with a congenital heart defect, called TAPVR (Total Anomalous Pulmonary Venous Return), which means his pulmonary veins are going to his liver and not where they need to. He would need open heart surgery to survive, and is too small to do that. The cardiologist told Melody & Clay that he would probably not make another 24-48 hours.

COOPER WALKER BURCHETT went home to Jesus at approximately 5:15 pm today--Sunday, October 29th, 2006. I personally feel that his grandaddy Mark was at the entrance to Heaven to carry him in through the gates.

There will be a graveside service for Cooper at Memorial Park, in BabyLand. More details later.

I woke up this morning with this song in my head--It is HELD, by Natalie Grant. I hope it will minister to you as it has to me.

Natalie Grant - Held (From the album Awaken)

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To Think That Providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us we’d be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
We're asking why this happens to us
We're asking...
Who have died to live, it’s unfair

Chorus:

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and know
That the promise was when everything fell
We’d be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow

Chorus:

If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

Melody and Clay held baby Cooper for approx. 5 hours today before he went home to Jesus. What a treasure--to be held by your mom and dad--and then held by the arms of Jesus. I can just picture Jesus saying "Come to Jesus, Come to Jesus, baby Cooper".

As Melody & Clay face these next few days and trials, please continue to lift them up in prayer. We know our God will provide - Great Is His Faithfulness.

SPECIFICS ON COOPER WALKER BURCHETT

Cooper Walker Burchett (such a BIG name for a tiny little boy) weighed 1 lb. 5 oz. when he was born yesterday morning--but most important is he was 13 & 3/8 inches in length. He is not a tiny little baby the size of a bird, as I was expecting--just imagine.............. a ruler is 12 inches long--and add another inch and a half. That's the length of Cooper. :o) We have placed him in God's hands for God's perfect will. Cooper was on 100% oxygenization and has had it moved back to as low as 60% this morning, but it has been increased to 70% this afternoon. He will have his bad days and good days. The nurses explained that the first 72 hrs. is the honeymoon period--it could get bad after that time. We know he will need blood soon, because they take blood for tests, and at this age, they do not make more blood. I would like to donate directly to him, as we both have the same O positive blood, and I am checking with LifeBlood to see if this is possible (have to be sure because of medications I take.) We sincerely appreciate your many calls and prayers. Melody will be going home tomorrow from the hospital.

COOPER SAID "I'M BUSTING OUT OF HERE"

I spent the night with Melody on Thursday night to give Clay a break. What a night it proved to be. Melody was in HARD labor all night, and nothing would work. None of the medicines would work--and she noticed some bleeding at about midnight. They put her back on the magnesium and it didn't budge the labor. Her contractions were non-stop, and peaking way on up there in strength. She was feeling these and not liking what she was feeling. I called Clay to tell him about them putting her back on the Mag and maybe he should come because she was having such active labor. Melody commented that she didn't see how her uterus could hold out with these contractions. Sure enough--at about 2:45 a.m., her water broke, and by the time the anesthesiologist arrived and checked her out, she was complete and really needing to push. She had been feeling like she needed to push since about midnight. They did not have time to do the epidural, and Cooper was born at 3:38, weighing in at 1 lb. 5 oz. He is in VERY CRITICAL condition, in the neo-natal ICU. Melody is doing well, healthwise. They have determined after the delivery that she had placental abruption where the placenta tries to detach from the uterine wall. Please continue to pray for Baby Cooper, Melody & Clay. Thank you.

ONE DAY AT A TIME, SWEET JESUS

We are thankful to God for every single day that Cooper can stay inside of Melody and continue to grow and get bigger. Melody has had some very bad days, and a couple of good days--but things are looking up and we are optimistic. She is currently on Procardia and Terbutaline, which seems to be doing the trick for the moment. I believe they are giving her doses every 8 hours of the Procardia. She is still in Labor & Delivery, but we are hoping that she will be moved to the Antepartum floor soon. Today, she is having a couple of contractions an hour, which is GOOD! They say that when she has less than 6 in an hour, that is good. She is not in intense pain with the contractions--she just knows they are happening as soon as they start. The doctor says she must have a very high tolerance for pain. As this is her first time in the hospital, she had no idea her pain tolerance--but I can tell you that she is learning PATIENCE in a big way. She is more up for visitors now, but too much does wear her out.
Clay's birthday was on Wednesday, the 18th, the day she was admitted to the hospital, so we have not had the chance to celebrate his 26th birthday yet--but it's coming!
Melody is able to eat soft foods now--and has enjoyed sharing a spud from McAllisters Deli, some vegetable soup that Marilyn made her, a chicken/rice casserole I took her, and this morning, she even had a Krispy Kreme doughnut! We have to fatten her up!
Yesterday, Wednesday, the hospital delared her at 25 weeks--so we are now shooting for Halloween, which will be 26 weeks. Each week means SO MUCH to baby Cooper, and we are just praying that the Lord's will be done. Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your prayers. I am starting to get Christmas decorations down now to decorate her room at the hospital. The doctor says that it is very important that we make her room as much like home as possible. Right now--we'd just like to get her into a room with a WINDOW. :o) And, Maggie wants to see her momma.

ITS A ROLLER COASTER--GOOD DAY, THEN BAD DAY, THEN GOOD DAY...............

SUNDAY NIGHT POSTING
Well, the terbutaline pump did not work on Melody--they stopped the magnesium and had her on the terbutaline pump and she was in labor all day. It was just not effective on her. RATS.

Tonight, at about 8:00 PM they had to put her back on the magnesium. Before I left, it was already slowing down the contractions. I hope she can sleep tonight. She did get to eat--the dr. said she could have a soft diet--so her father-in-law got her some mashed potatoes and gravy from Kentucky Fried Chicken and I brought in a kid-size frosty from Wendys. She was in heaven. :o) She ate a few bites of both--was afraid to get full, since the mag made her throw up so much last time.

I have a full day of teaching tomorrow--I told her to behave.

SATURDAY POSTING

It is just a roller coaster--today is a good one--I pray it continues. She is still on the magnesium, but they should be weaning her off of it soon because they have put her on the Terbutaline pump.

Hopefully, this will be what she needs. She is now having maybe 1 contraction an hour--today--that is--it could change at any given point--but things are looking up right now. The nurses are just wonderful at Germantown Methodist and came in today and took off the headboard of the bed and put big garbage bags at the end and washed Melody's hair--then blew it dry--then gave her a complete bath (in the bed), shaving her legs, etc. I was helping but they did 90% of it. She feels like a new person. I have taken 3 pics of her in the hospital today and hope to get them uploaded to the blog on my next posting. The terbutaline pump should keep things under wraps--at least, that's what they are shooting for. Her cervix is so thin (90% effaced), that is what we are worrying about mostly--and hoping her water does not break.

TODAY WAS NOT A GOOD DAY AT ALL

Today was not a good day. The day began with an ultrasound, and that ultrasound showed Melody was 6 centimeters dialated. NOT GOOD NEWS. Then, the neo-natal specialist came in and just packed 'em with a wallop, telling them that the baby would be born by tomorrow, at this rate, and that the baby would have a 50-55% chance of survival, etc. Told them they would have to make a decision as to whether they wanted Cooper intubated if he was delivered and was not breathing, then went on to explain rather harshly what all he would be facing, being born this early. Melody and Clay were so upset--and she did let him know that she is a nurse in pediactics ICU at LeBonheur, and she does know exactly what they are facing. I got the phone call and flew to the hospital. Just as I got there, her specialist in high-risk pregnancies (can't remember what they are called) got there and told her that she wanted to examine her, because she said, "UItrasounds can be wrong" and they were all just as upset that she & Clay were upset. Sure enough, the ultrasound was wrong, and Melody was not dialated--she was exactly like she was when she went in on Wednesday, just that they had gotten the labor stopped with the magnesium. The OBGYN doctors were furious that the neo-natal guy did what he did and said what all he said.

Well, the examination made her labor start back and we have been fighting it all day. I just got home and she is much better. Right now they have her with no visitors but immediate family only. It's just a roller-coaster, up one minute, down the next. They had to increase her magnesium--after gettting it down to 1.0 yesterday, they had to increase it back to 4.0 today, and then, she was so sick, she could not breathe and they had to put her on oxygen. When I left tonight, it was back to 2.0 and she was doing better. Clay has not left her side. We are shooting for Halloween, which would be 26 weeks. That is our short range goal for right now. Long range goal--is Christmas.

Thank you so much for your prayers. She, Cooper & Clay have a long road ahead.

Carole

TIME OUT! IT'S NOT TIME, YET COOPER IS TRYING TO APPEAR

Today has been a very long and frustrating day. It is 11:15 PM and I have not been home long from being at the hospital.

Melody has not felt well the last couple of days and today, she insisted that the doctor see her, saying she would just feel better if she just saw the doctor. Yesterday she complained of "menstrual-like-cramps" all day, and worked a 12 hour shift. The doctor examined her and said she was 60% effaced, and sent she & Clay immediately to Germantown Methodist Hospital, putting her on maternity leave also--stating she would be staying at the hospital until she delivers. She had not dialated, thank goodness, and her water has not broken. YET, she was having contractions every 2 minutes when she got there. After lots of magnesium and other medicines, things have calmed down, but she is 90% effaced now. The next 48 hours are URGENT. She has a catheter in and is on complete bed rest, she cannot get up for anything. She will stay in the hospital until delivery. Please pray for her and Clay and baby Cooper. She is only 24 weeks, so if she delivers now, this is not a good thing.

24 WEEKS AND GROWING!

I just went to see Dr. King last Monday, the 9th, for my checkup and measured 24 weeks. I have gained 14 lbs. total, and the doctor seems very happy about that. :o) This is my latest picture that Mom took on Saturday, Oct. 14th. I met Mom and Christy and Aunt Anna Grace (dad's aunt) at Raffertys and had a wonderful lunch!

Due Feb. 7th, Baby Burchett has to bake in the oven a few more weeks!

Melody & Maggie - boy, is she in for a rude awakening!


Clay is measuring my butt! He says it is getting big! He is wrong!
Cooper is really showing now! I am 20 weeks along here.