December 20th

This is the day 1 year ago that we brought our precious little miracle home from the NICU. This is a day that we had dreamed about for almost 2 years and finally it had become a reality. The first night home with Lilliana was more than nerve racking and during the first 48 hours I wanted to take her back more than once. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVED having her home and was feeling extremely blessed but I also was scared to death. You would think with my nursing background that I wouldn't be "one of those Mom's" but I just couldn't help myself. I remember sitting in her rocking chair feeding her and afterwards worrying if her nail beds were dusky. I so badly wanted to send Clay up to the PICU to pick up an O2 sat monitor just for some peace of mind. He had just run an errand when I first started worrying and I just sat there and cried holding her and praying that things were ok. Well, of course they were ok and I finally relaxed at least some :) The first night having her home I remember "sleeping" if you can call it that, with my hand on her abdomen making sure she didn't stop breathing on me. She slept in a Moses basket next to our bed and she was such a noisy little booger! This was something else I worried about because I thought she was way too small to be making such loud noises, I just knew she had some obstructive something or another.

It wasn't long before I finally realized that I couldn't live everyday like this and that I was just going to have to give her over to God. It was actually a song on one of her cd's that we would listen to at bedtime that talked about that she was only mine on loan from God and that ultimately she was His child. It's amazing the little things that speak to your heart at times.

Today we decided to celebrate her 1 year anniversary of her homecoming with a trip to The Enchanted Forrest, which benefits LeBonheur Children's Medical Center where I work. There were many different trees and lots of lit up characters to look at. Lilliana absolutely LOVED it and just kept pointing at everything and smiled the whole time. It was such a fun afternoon and definitely something to add to the Christmas traditions list!