Update

Well Clay and I are doing OK. We just seem to be taking things one day at a time. He has gone back to work but he doesn't have to be gone much. I have my 6 week check-up on December 8th and after that I will decide when I am going to go back. I still am not sure what I am going to do about my job but I plan on going to speak with my nursing director after Thanksgiving to discuss my options. I really want to go back to the PICU I just am not sure that I will be able to handle it emotionally. I had to go up to work yesterday and add Cooper to my insurance so that it would cover his NICU time and then I had to ask them what I needed to do about taking him back off because he passed 2 days after his birth. It was so hard to do. I know I caught the lady completely off gaurd when I asked her that and she just looked at me and said "Oh I am so sorry sweetheart." I still think this is all a bad dream and not happening. Well anyways I was going to share with you one of the books that Mom bought me. It is called "Mommy Please Don't Cry There Are No Tears In Heaven". (How crazy is it that this is the same book that I have given many parents up in the PICU after they lost a child and now I have to read it for myself.)



Mommy, Please Don't Cry... A beautiful angel carried me here!! I met Jesus today, mommy! He cradled me in his big,strong arms. He made me feel so happy inside. Mommy, Please Don't Cry... Heaven in wonderful! Did you know the streets are made of Gold? Real Gold! I have lots of friends, Mommy. We run and play. We giggle and laugh. I can't wait to show you my secret hideouts! Mommy, Please don't cry... When I fall it doesn't hurt! There are no tears in Heaven. I've met a man named Noah. He told me about his Big Boat, All the animals and the very first rainbow. Have you heard of Noah, Mommy? Mommy, please don't cry.. We have lots of parties here; with streamers and hats, and the best chocolate cake ever! When it's time to rest, Angels tuck us in. I never get scared Mommy. There is no darkness here! Jesus is the light of heaven. Mommy, Please don't cry... The angels are always singing. I love to sing with the angels! You'd be proud of me. I have a pretty good voice. I must have gotten it from you. There is a river, Mommy, in the most beautiful garden you could ever imagine..and a huge tree with yummy fruit. The angels call it the tree of life. Mommy, It's so wonderful to be alive in Heaven! Mommy, please don't cry.. Sometimes i just like to be by myself. That's when I think of you. Someday, Mommy we will hold each other tight! Then you will cradle me in your arms, and stroke my hair.. and once again our hearts will beat together. Mommy, please don't cry...I'll wait right here for you. Love, Clay and Melody