Life ...

So I am sure many of you who read my blog also read Kelly's Korner blog. When I stopped by there earlier today I noticed she had a post that contained this song and I had never heard it before. It is such a great song and I am sure rings true for all too many people. For me, fertility has never been a problem and something I am so very thankful for, but for almost 2 years I had such a longing for a child. It would make me angry when I heard stories of people who just happened to get pregnant , or those that would come into the hospital and have 4-5 kids and not even care for them properly. I also really struggled when some of my friends constantly complained about their troublesome child or that they were so sick of this or that. I just wanted to scream "at least you HAVE a child to drive you crazy!" For the most part, I kept it together and just continued to pray daily that the Lord would provide for Clay and I in His perfect timing and that I would be able to carry a baby to term. To be honest, I had pretty specific prayer requests and kinda felt that it was necessary to tell God exactly what it was I wanted ... a healthy baby, full term baby, no pregnancy complications, and a peace to get through it all. I know there were even more specifics but I just can't remember them at this time. I am not sure why I felt I needed to be so specific, I knew deep down that He knew exactly what I needed and would provide for me but I guess I just felt that it was my way of controlling things in the best way I knew how.

I try my hardest now, not to take anything for granted. I enjoy every single day that I am given with Lilly and I pray that I am given a lifetime. I don't want to have any regrets and wish I would have done one thing or another more. Hence, one of the reasons why we still rock at nap and bedtime. :) I actually LOVE this time and cuddling with her. I know that there will be a time soon when she doesn't want her Momma around and all though it will probably completely break my heart, I just try to cherish every minute I have with her now when she wants me and me above everyone else. I would be lying if I told you it bugs me that she doesn't want to be away from me. Of course, it does get old at times when all I am trying to do is grab something from the back room or run outside to the mailbox and she has a total meltdown, but it also makes my heart swell. I love the way she loves me! She is my heart, and I love her more and more each day and can't imagine a single minute without her in my life!!



There are so many women in the world today hoping and praying for a baby for one reason or another. Please join me in praying for these precious women who have that longing that I myself had not long ago. Being a mother is the most amazing, wonderful, fulfilling, lifechanging, hardest, but best jobs I have ever had. I can't imagine my life without my precious Lilliana and look forward to the day she is able to meet her big brother Cooper in Heaven. Oh, how empty my arms once were and how amazingly full they are now. God is so good, all the time! Just in His perfect timing :)